It's Personal

"It's Personal", the music written during Carrie's artistic and spiritual journey

Listen to Samples from the CD
Read Lyrics

Below are all of the tracks on the "It's Personal" CD, with Carrie's comments on what led to the writing of each song. Spiritual questers will particularly enjoy these tracks:

Life is My Lover
Purpose
All I Have to Do is Believe

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Click on "Lyrics" to read the full song lyric

1 Life is My Lover

Lyrics

I had been thinking about fear and doubt, and beginning to see how much they had ruled my life, when the idea to personify them in a song started to flow. But the song is fairly different, and my old friend Doubt started working on me. The very next day my friend Michael called and said: "I was meditating and suddenly these words came into my mind: 'Tell Carrie to finish the song.'" Well, that was enough for me. I finished the song.

2 Let Me Sing of Men

Lyrics

We were decorating the Christmas tree and Ed picked up our then-two-year old grandchild, Brandon, and put him on his shoulders, so that he could put the angel on the top of the tree. And I thought, oh, these men, they are so wonderful! I need to write a song about what they have meant to me in my life.

3 Here on Park Place

Lyrics

I have earned my money in corporate life, as an employee or a consultant. And in that life, we all hit points where we question and explore the spiritual impact of what we do. This song grew out of a particularly difficult crisis several years ago.

4 Power of My Love

Lyrics

I have a wonderful little garden with a stone bench, where white azaleas wrap behind me, and I can look out over a rose garden. It was sitting on this bench that I first "met" Quado, and where I continue to have my most powerful meditations. This song is full of the imagery of this garden. Rose fanciers will recognize the description of a Double Delight rose in the first verse.

5 Being with You

Lyrics

Remember how it feels to be falling in love, in that wonderful time when you just discover that he loves you too? Remember how it makes you feel young, no matter how old you are? Remember how the whole world is changed...?

6 Don't Wake the Wounded Mother

Lyrics

I was taking a songwriting class, and the teacher, Nik Venet, said that to write a great song you must find your sentence of truth, something that you don't even want to say to yourself, much less anyone else, and then express it in metaphor. Other people started sharing their songs, about a beloved father who died, about a self-sacrificing mother. And I thought, oh, dear, I may have to write about Mother, but it sure won't be a song like that...

7 The Night I Spent with You

Lyrics

Writing this song was an unusual experience for me, in that it came out of a little movie in my head. A woman is lying in bed, and the morning sun is streaming through the windows. She is in her home in France, and the room is in shades of gold and cream, and filled with flowers. She is watching a naked young man, who is walking around the room, taking his time to appreciate the flowers. And suddenly she knows that when he leaves, she will not see him again.

8 Purpose

Lyrics

Ed and I were developing a multi-media game called Purpose, and decided it needed original music. I was also simultaneously reading Deepak Chopra. So I wrote this song to accompany the game, and realized only later that it was an important personal statement about my search for purpose and faith.

9 I Know You Love Me

Lyrics

Ah, the power, the pain, of the great love that can never be...

10 If We Should Happen to Meet

Lyrics

The great love affair is over, and you know that no matter how much you want to, you cannot call him, ever. He's gone from your life. And yet, everywhere you turn you're reminded of him. And you harbor this fantasy that someday you'll run into him by chance, and when you do, all of the old feelings will come back. He'll take you in his arms, and everything will be like it was before, if only you should just happen to meet.

11 Who Will Be There

Lyrics

My father's mother died in the flu epidemic following World War I, when he was just two. This song is about the effect of that event on his life, and the life of his children.

12 Ride on the Wind

Lyrics

A friend of mine was having big disagreements with his wife, because the free-spirited, adventurous parts of him, which had first drawn her to him, were now in conflict with the life she wanted in their marriage. Shortly after talking to him, I actually watched a few minutes of a fishing show, where the commentator mentioned that the beautiful rainbow stripes of the trout fade after you take him out of the water. And this image, then, led me to write this song.

13 Pray for a Graceful Twilight

Lyrics

In that same Nik Venet songwriting class, he had given us an assignment to write about the last great war. Several other students were writing about having lost a father in Vietnam, which meant that my fellow students were young enough to be my children! So rather than writing about a war, I wrote this song about the various stages of life, about how different it all feels at 20, 30 and 40. And then later, I added a verse about 50, which clearly shows that it is the best decade by far.

14 All I Have to Do is Believe

Lyrics

This song sums up my spiritual explorations, and I often play it when I'm feeling down or full of doubt, to pick me up and remind me to believe.

Lyrics to the Songs on It's Personal

1 Life is My Lover

(Lyrics & Music by Carrie Hart)

I used to live with Fear and Doubt

They’d always go with me when I went out

A jealously guarded ménage à trois

Pain was the only other friend I saw

As time went on, I wanted free

But Doubt somehow felt like a part of me

I barely escaped, so beware

Don’t be seduced by this tempting pair

They say you’re safe, but it’s a lie

You still grow old and then you die

And all those years I might have had fun

Joy was all I was protected from, now

Life, Life is my lover

I wake up yearning for his touch

Life, Life is my lover

I’m filled with desire, burning, on fire, to live

I love Life so much

It isn’t easy to clear your eyes

For Fear is a master of disguise

Things you say aren’t right for you

Turn out to be things you’re just afraid to do

But Fear’s a bully and when I try

I always defeat him eye to eye

Doubt’s just a shadow who’s easy to fool

When I say "I can, I will, I do" and say

Life, Life is my lover

I wake up yearning for his touch

Life, Life is my lover

I’m filled with desire, burning, on fire, to live

I love Life so much

At dawn I’m caressed by the light morning breeze

Embraced by the hot sun at noon

Love moves inside me as shadows grow long

And at night I’m gently kissed by the moon

Life, Life is my lover

I wake up yearning for his touch

Life, Life is my lover

I’m filled with desire, burning, on fire, to live

I love Life so much

2 Let Me Sing of Men

(Lyrics & Music by Carrie Hart)

Let me sing of men

Of the strength of their arms

To lift and carry bricks to build a dream

Strong enough to move a boulder

Or a child up to a shoulder

Just to put an angel on a tree

Let me sing, sing of men

Let me sing of men

Of loyalty and love

Enough to stand and fight or sit and talk

Helpless when you’re crying

Men that don’t stop trying

That drape an arm around you when they walk

Let me sing, sing of men

Men in their glory, men at their best

Proud and guarding the lair

Tender and gentle, powerless in love

Sing of men who care

Let me sing of men

Of that little boy within

That shock of hair that falls across one eye

Amazed he can inspire

Such passion and desire

When all he did was touch your hand and smile

Let me sing, sing of men

3 Here On Park Place

(Lyrics by Carrie Hart, Music by Porter Hansen)

The Board of Directors at the Boardwalk Corporation

Promises the brokers growth of forty percent

The stock goes up and they all get richer

Ten million for the President won’t even make a dent

It just isn’t right

Off in Marvin Gardens, she stares into the mirror

First a big bonus, now it’s good-byes and tears

And the red-eye flights and those Saturday meetings

Somehow took the bloom of her child-bearing years

It just isn’t right, it just isn’t right

Once whiskey and cigars, now it’s only Perrier

And sometimes it gets hard to keep the women in their place

But there’s lots of Free Parking and we always Pass Go

Here on Park Place, Here on Park Place

He heads up the factory; it took him years to get there

Now he reads the memo and his hands start to shake

Holding back the tears, he announces that they’re closing

Turns out the lights and slowly padlocks the gate

It just isn’t right, no, it just isn’t right

Once whiskey and cigars, now it’s only Perrier

And sometimes it gets hard to keep the women in their place

But there’s lots of Free Parking and we always Pass Go

Here on Park Place, Here on Park Place

And somewhere down on Baltic, they sit across the table

Red-checked vinyl with ancient stains and burns

While she waits to hear the reason he’s home so early

His jaw keeps working, but he just can’t find the words

Once whiskey and cigars, now it’s only Perrier

And sometimes it gets hard to keep the women in their place

But there’s lots of Free Parking and we always Pass Go

Here on Park Place, Here on Park Place

Funny how the game never loses it’s appeal

Here on Park Place

Once in a while it almost seems real

Here on Park Place, Here on Park Place

Once in a while it almost seems real

Here on Park Place, Here on Park Place

4 The Power Of My Love

(Lyrics by Carrie Hart, Music by Porter Hansen)

The roses know my wishes

Wrap their beauty round my dreams

Then open their raspberry petals

To a center of soft butter cream

Surely the wind will dip low for a kiss

Then fly to the tops of the trees

Where swaying and sighing with passion

My desires are broadcast like seeds

Do you feel the power of my love?

Do you waken with my kiss lying soft on your eyes?

Does my joy infuse your dreams and linger in your smile?

Do you feel the power, the power of my love?

I went to the garden at daybreak

When pink and grey clouds streak the sky

And searched for a gift I could give you

To thank you for gracing my life

On strong muscled wings a dark angel

With a light golden faery or two

Gathered my love on pink petals

And took them to sprinkle on you

Do you feel the power of my love?

Do you waken with my kiss lying soft on your eyes?

Does my joy infuse your dreams and linger in your smile?

Do you feel the power, the power of my love?

Passion’s a howling great wind

Oh love, love’s like a sweet gentle shower

Desire’s a burning bright sun

All throbbing through me and driving the flower

Do you feel the power of my love?

Do you waken with my kiss lying soft on your eyes?

Does my joy infuse your dreams and linger in your smile?

Do you feel the power, the power of my love?

5 Being With You

(Lyrics by Carrie Hart, Music by Porter Hansen)

You make me fresh and young and full of promise

Like an early morning dip in a cool mountain pond

You make me ache with wild anticipation

Like the endless afternoon before the senior prom

You make each day begin like Christmas morning

You make me glad for waking with the dawn

And I remember how it felt to think everything was new

It felt like this, like being with you

You fill my hours with laughter and excitement

Like piling in the bus to the night football game

You’re always new yet somehow so familiar

Like the smell of sidewalk steam after a sudden rain

You make me feel like something great is coming

My future shines ‘til I can hardly wait

And I remember when a snowflake thrilled me through and through

It felt like this, like being with you

You make me feel like something great is coming

My future shines ‘til I can hardly wait

And I remember when a moment was too good to be true

It felt like this, like being with you

6 Don’t Wake The Wounded Mother

(Lyrics by Carrie Hart, Music by Porter Hansen)

To my father, our home was his castle

To my mother, that house was a cage

And the rest of us cowered in corners

And fed on the scraps from her rage

Caged mothers will eat their children

Don’t come running when you hear her call

Cheshire smile to disguise her hunger

Blood stains hide in the wall-to-wall

With just one word she can flay your skin

Twenty years later it’s still lodged within

Tiptoe, tiptoe, draw the blinds

Don’t wake the wounded mother

Jealous mothers will eat their daughters

Feast a little most every day

Youth and beauty make a solid breakfast

Snapping jaws keep Daddy away

You try so hard to live her dream

But you’re just ointment in her wrinkle cream

Tiptoe, tiptoe, draw the blinds

Don’t wake the wounded mother

Mother, mother may I be just myself

Mother, mother may I be somewhere else

And close the door behind

Love-starved mothers will eat their sons

Cloak their passion in a loving kiss

Girlish blushes and low-cut dresses

"Do you think that I’m too old for this?"

A red silk nightie for Mother’s day

At last a guy who won’t get away

Tiptoe, tiptoe, draw the blinds

Don’t wake the wounded mother

7 The Night I Spent With You

(Words & Music by Carrie Hart)

Pick a vase, I’ll fill it with flowers

And every time I see it, I’ll think of you

Cut crystal, to catch the light

Take your time, fill up the last hours

For every time I see it, I’ll be with you

Cut deep, back in the night

The night I spent with you

Pick a vase, I’ll make it ours

And it will always be the one you chose

Cut crystal, to hold a rose

For the night, the night

For the night I spent with you

8 Purpose

(Lyrics by Carrie Hart, Music by Porter Hansen)

Sometimes I feel so lost

Responding to each demand

Trying so hard to please

I don’t even know who I am

Isn’t there something I can find

To focus my life and calm my mind

I long to wrap myself in faith

Shed doubts like worn-out clothes

Have answers laid out before me

Just as the questions are posed

I want to know why I’m here

I need a purpose

I’ve been growing in soil of cement

Rootless in cities of smog

Speeding in circles on freeways

And silencing truth in the noise

I hunger for moments of sweet peace

Like feeling warm earth under bare feet

I long to wrap myself in faith

Shed doubts like worn-out clothes

Have answers laid out before me

Just as the questions are posed

I want to know why I’m here

I need a purpose

Whenever I’m faced with new choices

I struggle so to decide

Maybe I sometimes try too hard

And miss that quiet voice inside

I long to wrap myself in faith

Shed doubts like worn-out clothes

Have answers laid out before me

Just as the questions are posed

I want to know why I’m here

I need a purpose

9 I Know You Love Me

(Lyrics & Music by Carrie Hart)

When we made love, I felt your soul merge with mine

When we made love, I was filled, overflowing with life

Now we’ve come down and let the world in

We’ve gone back to our lives as if nothing had been, but

I know, I know you love me

And it helps me bear all the pain

I know, I know you love me

And I hope you know I understand, and I love you

I had a dream, so I wasn’t really surprised

There in my dream, you turned away, wouldn’t look in my eyes

You were naked and sad, walked off all alone

I sat up, wide awake, with a pain in my soul, but

I know, I know you love me

And it helps me bear all the pain

I know, I know you love me

And I hope you know I understand, and I love you

Women have always been too easy for you

So you may not know just what you’ve lost

Men have always been so hard for me

And God knows I can measure the cost

Last night I made love, you should know that I’m trying

Last night I made love, and the pain left me crying

Does it seem very odd that what I wanted to do

Was just pick up the phone and talk it over with you

For I know, I know you love me

And it helps me bear all the pain

I know, I know you love me

And I hope you know I understand, and I love you

10 If We Should Happen To Meet

(Lyrics by Carrie Hart, Music by Porter Hansen)

He must have been wearing something you wore

That stranger sitting there

The scent hung softly after he left

It didn’t seem fair

To make me think of you again so soon

In a crowded city cafe at noon

If we should happen to meet

Would you still give me that slow, shy smile

And would you touch my cheek

The way you used to do

Life would be so sweet

If we should happen to meet

It was nothing more than a perfume ad

In a magazine

But he gazed at her with so much love

I couldn’t breathe

And I could feel your finger down my spine

In the supermarket checkout line

If we should happen to meet

Would you still give me that slow, shy smile

And would you touch my cheek

The way you used to do

Life would be so sweet

If we should happen to meet

The ending was so painful

But the feelings still run deep

Maybe someday we’ll both be drawn

On the very same night, to the very same street

If we should happen to meet

If we should happen to meet

Would you still give me that slow, shy smile

And would you touch my cheek

The way you used to do

Life would be so sweet

If we should happen to meet

11 Who Will Be There

(Lyrics & Music by Carrie Hart)

She lay in bed and the sheets were cold

And white as the snow outside

But her fever burned and all she could feel

Was the little hand of her child

And she cried

Who will be there to comfort him

When he wakes in the middle of the night

Who will be there to say "There, there"

"Everything will be all right"

Who will be there

She watched him grow and she watched him wed

And have children of his own

She watched him try but he just couldn’t give

All the love he had never known

And she cried

Who will be there to comfort him

When he wakes in the middle of the night

Who will be there to say "There, there"

"Everything will be all right"

Who will be there

Young and beautiful she stays

As he grows old and bent and grey

So now she waits but she wonders what

She can give to this old, old man

But I can feel that when he goes

My father will be young again

And I know

Who will be there to comfort him

When he wakes in the middle of the night

Who will be there to say "There, there"

"Everything will be all right"

Who will be there

12 Ride On the Wind

(Lyrics & Music by Carrie Hart)

Why capture the flashing tiger

To listlessly pace in a cage

Why net the rainbow from the stream

Just to watch all the colors fade

Why clip the wings of the eagle

When flying is all that she does

Why ask a woman to change

When you loved her for what she was

Ride on the wind

And let my love lift you higher

Ride on the wind

There is so much you can do, I believe in you

Ride on the wind

Why whip the majestic lion

To make him perform in a ring

Why break the horse to pull the plow

When his feet can run like the wind

Why hood the noble falcon

When his beauty can grace the sky

Why ask a man to give up his dreams

When you love the glow in his eyes

Ride on the wind

And let my love lift you higher

Ride on the wind

There is so much you can do, I believe in you

Ride on the wind

There will be times they tell you to change

And times you want to stop trying

I hope my love will give you the strength

To show who you are and keep flying

Ride on the wind

And let my love lift you higher

Ride on the wind

There is so much you can do, I believe in you

Ride on the wind

13 Pray For A Graceful Twilight

(Lyrics by Carrie Hart, Music by Porter Hansen)

Twenty looks great when you’ve passed it

But it isn’t much fun when you’re there

The noonday sun like a spotlight

Potential a burden to bear

But when the day begins to cool

And you can’t get back what’s done

There’s peace in forced acceptance

And a sunset yet to come

And you pray, pray for a graceful twilight

Yes, you pray, pray for a graceful twilight

At thirty men love power

Some girls think they’ve lost their touch

And the afternoon stretches forever

But you somehow miss so much

But when the day slides into dusk

And your children have their own

You wish you’d paid attention

You want to share what you’ve learned

And you pray, pray for a graceful twilight

Yes, you pray, pray for a graceful twilight

And the only thing to fear

Is all-consuming fear

To miss one moment’s beauty

As the moon starts to appear

At forty the world is divided

Into those that have and have not

But the ones in early darkness

Are the ones who are less than they’ve got

But when the glow is in the sky

And you slowly turn away

It’s time to truly find yourself

Before the end of day

And pray, pray for a graceful twilight

Yes, you pray, pray for a graceful twilight

At fifty you live in each moment

And let the old wounds start to heal

And you learn that nothing else matters

But sharing the love that you feel

And though the sun is going down

You can watch it slip away

You know inside that somewhere else

It lights a brand new day

And that day flows from a graceful twilight

Give thanks, thanks for a graceful twilight

14 All I Have to Do is Believe

(Lyrics & Music by Carrie Hart)

I believe that life is a garden

And love is a river that never runs dry

I believe, if I believe in that garden

The gates will fly open right before my eyes

And all I have to do is believe

All I have to do is believe, I believe that

All I have to do is believe

And the gates will fly open right before my eyes

Some people live in a desert

Where love is so scarce nothing can grow

I believe that if I open my heart

The desert will bloom and love will start to flow

And all I have to do is believe

All I have to do is believe, I believe that

All I have to do is believe

And the desert will bloom and love will start to flow

I believe that a simple, kind word

And a gentle touch can heal

I believe that if I believe

What I believe becomes real

And all I have to do is believe

All I have to do is believe, I believe that

All I have to do is believe

And if I believe what I believe becomes real

I LOVE the "It's Personal CD!" Zintis

“I played "All I Have To Do Is Believe" at my church, and everyone fell in love with it. Our music director suggested we have a small group sing it as part of our service, and then lead the entire congregation in singing it.” Carolyn

It's Personal $15 plus shipping/handling

This CD contains the songs which Carrie wrote during the period described in her book, There is a Garden, a period of deep emotional and spiritual exploration. These song prove that the more deeply personal we delve, the more universal is what we find.